


Champagne Tastes Better

by Bounteous



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Drunk Lee Yut-Lung, Gen, Heavy Angst, Lee Yut-Lung-centric, Mental Health Issues, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28828200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bounteous/pseuds/Bounteous
Summary: A short Yut-Lung centered piece about his mental instability. And Blanca is there for comfort. Warnings/tags should not be taken lightly.
Relationships: Blanca & Lee Yut-Lung, Blanca/Lee Yut-Lung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Champagne Tastes Better

Champagne tastes better than semen. 

It bubbles and fizzes and slides down the throat smoothly, willingly.

Semen sticks to everything and tastes like bitter, unwanted memories.

Yut-Lung swallows both just the same. Without a face. Silent and obedient. 

At the end of the night, after a long day of playing dress-up—the perfect, picturesque blow-up doll—he can’t tell which it is that makes him heave violently into the toilet. What he sees is his reflection in the porcelain, broken and sad and pathetic. Angry. Hurt. Hateful. 

He falls asleep upon a pillow of silk; hair, sheets, and robe. The morning makes him wish it hadn’t come. The night makes him wish he hadn’t gone to bed.

How jealous a man must be to constantly wish for something else.

He has everything in the palm of his hand. At the tip of his finger. With a flick of his dainty, boney, fragile wrist. 

Happiness is a feeling he’d long ago made peace without.

Satisfaction? That was supposed to be his prize for murdering his entire family. Something gifted to him from the universe for making his stand and securing his rung on the ladder. 

A pile of bodies beneath him and he feels as if his throne is sinking into the blood and bone. 

How very unfair.

There is only hate pumping through his veins. His heart beats an echo of disgust and anger. And when he pours himself his fifth drink, it tastes like wildfire. 

Blanca tells him to stop. Yut-Lung quite enjoys the attention. So he keeps drinking.

These days, his nights end in phantom arms that he clings to like a child. They vanish come morning, so he keeps drinking.

Drinking produces results. Definitive results. Results he can rely on. He won’t stop. He can’t. Life will crumble away if he does. 

Those phantom arms help until they need not help. Then they will disappear forever. Yut-Lung needs them. They are sanity and loyalty and safety. 

Until they aren’t. Because things like to taunt Yut-Lung. They like to hurt him. Kill him.

One day, he thinks he might let them. 

For now, he’ll keep drinking. Because champagne tastes better than semen. Because things go away when he’s sober. Because he is one of Pavlov’s dogs. 

Sometimes, he doesn’t know whether he wants to stab himself or someone else more. He was innocent. Until he wasn’t. It’s only fair. 

He isn’t stupid. But maybe he is.

He isn’t naive. But maybe he is.

He isn’t loved. Blanca’s words mean nothing.

He throws his glass and falls in love with the way it smashes against the wall. The sound, the sight, the brief elation at impact. 

He laughs. A giggle, really. He isn’t masculine. Feminine and appealing to gays and straights alike. And family, too. 

He goes to throw the empty bottle, but a hand curling around his wrist almost twice stops the motion. A pout makes home on his lips. Then a scowl. Then a quivering that turns to whimpering that turns to sobbing.

Everything he wants, he is ashamed of. So he turns away from a warm embrace and falls to the floor where he cries himself into a mumbling stupor. He only barely remembers being carried to his room, tucked into bed, and caressed all gentle-like. 

A figment of his imagination, surely. He doesn’t deserve it, else-wise. 

Champagne tastes better than semen. But he never deserved the distinction.

**Author's Note:**

> Support my ko-fi if you enjoyed my writing! https://ko-fi.com/bounteous


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